Praying. I remember the first time I prayed, sort of. I remember the serenity, the joy, the nostalgia as if I had been meant to do it for so long. A year before my conversion I had a dream of a group of men standing in line, they were waiting. It was then that a beautiful man walked into the area & stood in the line with the rest of them. They wouldn’t let him, they pushed him forward & he led them in prayer. I had no idea what I had seen until about a year later when I went to a local event & saw Muslims pray.
When I finally understood the role of prayer in my life, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I was so naïve & so passionate about prayer that I walked out of the doors of my job. I ended up settling for a less fulfilling role elsewhere that gave me the opportunity to not only pray, but to do so in the local masjid.
I remember watching a movie during maghrib time when my phone buzzed, I didn’t care how good the movie was I got up, found a corner right outside the theatre & prayed. In other times It didn’t matter if I was done sinning & felt disgusted with myself (albeit I’ll admit those were the hardest moments to pray because of the shame). I would go & make wudu & pray my heart out. I never left prayer, because in my mind, if I left prayer what would I have to connect me to the master of Hearts?
When I see people pray, when I see you leave behind the world & worship your Lord, it fills my soul. For those of you having a hard-time with prayer, I know it isn’t easy. I know you haven’t done it in days, months, or years, but today is your day. Today is the day you stand & worship like you’ve never done before. Where you renew your relationship with Him & push through the mental blocks. Where you lower your head on the mat & cry, strengthening your spiritual muscles, knowing that you may not see the reward anytime soon, but that one day when you need it the most, you’ll find a mountain of good and the face of your Lord.
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