Just a little more. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I told you that my current schedule is a bit insane. I’m in class from 10am-4pm, and work from 5pm-10pm. The days that I’m not at work are usually days filled with study. And in a few days time a new set of classes is set to begin. So you might understand why I just got off of a free consultation call with a life coach to help me out, because I just needed to clear my mind and see what I could do to help myself succeed.
I’m sure many of you have similar schedules, schedules that weigh on you. Maybe you are like me and when you walk in the home you just want to fall onto the nearest couch and sleep, only for you to realize that you have more work to do now that you’re home. It’s hard, it’s tiring, it can be the source of frustration in the home. It’s also an opportunity to break the ego. Imagine coming home after a long day and finding things out of place, or many of us men have a sense of entitlement that things should just be ready and prepared upon walking in the door, what if they aren’t? What if the food is still cold? What if there isn’t even food to begin with? What if your wife is exhausted? Or flip the script, what if your husband is on the couch taking a nap? What do you do? What do you say? This is your opportunity to let it all out, to let them know just how pathetic they are. To remind them about their duties in Islam and how they should be doing this that and the other. To remind him that Islam requires that he carry all of the financial burden, and that your every dollar is your own.
You can do all of that. It’s your right. You’re tired and you deserve more. But I remember sitting in a class once where my teacher mentioned how the Prophet ﷺ said marriage is half of faith. Why? Because for so much of your life you learn about patience, humility, forgiveness and good manners. . .and the other half is all about putting it into practice. So when she says she’s exhausted, it’s okay, love her and go make dinner. It won’t hurt.
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I think those kinds of demands are actually far more cultural than religious. I don’t know about other cultures, but in those from the Indian sub-continent, it’s not that uncommon for some men to expect the wife to be something of a slave, rather than a partner. I think one of the plus sides of the whole women’s movement in recent decades is to challenge that status quo, so more people in modern generations no longer operate that way and there’s more balance.
I understand where you’re coming from and there is merit to women pushing back. There is also far more benefit in real education for the men in our communities. In general there needs to needs to be education for everyone.
That’s the real game changer.