The past. It’s said that the companions of the Prophet would sit together at times and discuss aspects of their lives prior to Islam. Let me tell you a bit about mine. When I came into Islam, I dived in. I didn’t think twice. I didn’t let anyone stop me. People told me how Islam would prevent certain doors from being opened for me, and they were right. . .and I didn’t care. I saw Islam and so I went after it.
With that being said, my past is what enabled me to be who I am today. Without that past I wouldn’t have wanted Islam as badly as I did, as badly as I still do. Without Christianity, without the failed relationships, without getting kicked out of nearly every school I went to, without forging report cards and having my cousin lie to our parents that it wasn’t yet report card week, without those experiences, I wouldn’t be me. When I write my reflections you have to understand, it’s all coming from those life experiences. It’s all coming from the heartbreaks, & the times of joy & happiness. The time I failed a class, the moment I lost my grandmother, the near fatal car accidents, the going out with the wolf pack jamming to Drake & Lupe because we thought we ran the town. The day I had a gun pulled out on me. All of those experiences made me into the Muslim that I am today.
More importantly, as someone who loves this faith & writes about it, these experiences remind me to be relatable. These experiences keep me humble. They remind me that not long ago I was the one committing that sin. They remind me that I was once in darkness & if not for God’s mercy I could easily be back in it. If not for my past I would have no future. If not for my past I would not be the Arthur that I am today. I can’t erase it, and I refuse to erase it, including the aspects of it that paint me in a not so glamorous light. I’m no one special in the first place, & it’s because I’m dirt that I so desperately want God’s mercy to rain on me, and hopefully, one day bring forth fruit.
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