I’ve been facing a barrage of situations during the last few weeks and while I continually attempt to prepare for them or to adjust to the situations in front of me, like water through the hands of a thirsting traveler they slip away.
It’s frustrating, it’s scary, it’s angering. All one wants is a moment of serenity. A moment to feel secure and to be reminded that everything is going to be okay. Yet how can one feel secure when the relationship they wanted to develop keeps failing, or the job they kept hoping for just let them go, or the sickness they thought they had under control now threatens to take their life.
Isn’t it true that they say “It is God that controls everything”? Why then do you put me in these situations? Is it not your fault?
Why then do you break my heart?
Why then do you leave my pockets empty?
Why then are my bones becoming brittle and disease competing for my next breath when you are the Creator of existence itself?
I’ve asked myself these questions many times. After those heartbreaks, missed opportunities and injuries that left me debilitated.
I asked this while my tears seeped onto the mat as I begged for your forgiveness from the anger that dwelled inside.
I asked this after sinking to the ground at the news of yet another heartbreak.
I asked this when I felt useless and all I ever wanted was to serve you.
I’ve vowed to do all that you command and to stray from all that you abhor or hold sacred. I’ve chained myself to your laws.
Then I remembered, this story was never about me. It has always been about you and I’ve been asking the wrong questions.
Why did I place my heart in the hands of other than you?
Why did I seek richness in other than your love?
Why did I make my life for other than your worship?
Anchor my heart to the seafloor of your guidance and mercy, else I will forever be adrift in the sea of my ignorance.
Jumada Al Thani 13th, 1440
February 18th, 2019
Arthur K. Richards
You really ought to join my Patreon. I share chapters of my upcoming book and no one else except you will have access to it. Come join me, enjoy my writing, and support my craft. Join my Patreon family here!